Parenting Lessons Learned

Well, despite our best efforts, Mitt Romney dropped out of the race for the presidential nomination. As political pundits look back and try to determine where Mitt Romney went wrong and what he could have done better, I can't help but think the same about this rollercoaster ride we call parenting. So I've put together a short list of things that we've learned along our 14 month journey with Leah.

Parenting Lessons Learned

1. Never turn down hand-me-downs. Unless they were YOUR hand-me-downs.
2. Breastfeeding. It's free. Enough said. Actually, statistics show that breastfed kids are 7-8 IQ points smarter than formula kids. So yes, my kid really IS smarter than your kid!
3. Stay clear of any orifice. Some fluid or matter will shoot out eventually. You'll be glad your spouse gets hit instead of you.
4. Don't buy crap you'll never need: Diaper Genie, bottle warmer (warm water works better), wipe warmer, and a changing table with a seat belt (you're dealing with a baby, not a wild cheetah).
5. Crap you'll never have enough of: diapers, wipes, kleenex, onesies (they crap all over them when they're little), hand soap, nasal aspirators (they have a tendency to get lost) and laundry detergent.
6. Diaper changing - it's not as bad as they say. So guys, buck up. We gut deer for Pete's sake!
7. Doctors are expensive, so unless she's bleeding or unconscious, she'll get over it.
8. Pacifiers are like crack, if you don't start them on one, they'll never be hooked on one.
9. Don't buy anything that requires batteries. They're annoying, require recharging, and have minimal versatility. Blocks and puzzles are quieter and will get more use. Besides, grandparents will buy them plenty of annoying toys.
10. Your parents don't know crap. Remember, these are the same people that had you ride on your dad's lap while driving 70 mph down I-35, while you held your old man's Busch Lite. You already gave them 18+ years to screw you up, don't let them do it to your kid.
11. Even though your parents don't know crap, don't overlook them as potential babysitters. You can undo a couple hours worth of grandparent corruption in about a week.
12. Always keep at least one hand on your kid while she's sitting on an elevated surface.
13. If she can stand, it's time to lower the bed in the crib from bassinet-level to regular crib level.
14. Don't under-estimate the entertainment value of bubbles, a cardboard box, or a newspaper.
15. Teach your baby sign-language. You'll hear a lot less screaming when she can tell you she wants a banana or a stuffed bear instead of just crying for one.

This Week in Leah:

• Leah just got two more teeth, for a grand total of 16 chompers!
• Leah has been talking a lot more in recent weeks. Some recent vocalizations: Girl, Ba (sheep), shoes, and Case (our nickname for Kacie the dog). She also makes sounds for dog, horse, monkey, and a cow.
• New signs: Girl, daddy, water, milk, bird, shoes, and mouse.
• Walking has improved to the point where she falls down only occassionally.
• She has become more proficient at stacking blocks. Six blocks high is quite common with her new-found sense of coordination.
• She was able to put together a puzzle from start to finish without the assistance of mom or dad today. See the picture below of her finished masterpiece.